The difference will reveal with the peace you seek…
As the caring people we are, we tend to really notice other people.
And while this is a beautiful quality, it can also lead us into troubled territories when we place extreme emphasis on others, and forget about the context of self that is doing the observing.
There is so. much. talk in our culture that encourages us to compare ourselves with one another. Have you noticed these internalized dialogues within yourself? Have you noticed how hard it is to not place yourself, for instance, next to someone who is 20 steps beyond where you are and feel pressure, or self-criticism, or even failure?
In my reflections today I fondly remembered an old college boyfriend. We were reaching the point of commitment where I was starting to get scared and feel trapped, and innocently bringing up my fears as best I could I said, “Levi, I’m starting to think we’re just really different. And I don’t know if it’s the right kind of relationship.” What I was actually feeling, and not able to articulate very well, was an insecurity with myself as an individual. The person I was dating had a strong identity, and a lot of emotional and self-awareness. He also felt clarity around his sense of purpose in the world, and the ways in which he wanted to serve others. These were all qualities I was seeking, but didn’t know yet within myself.
Our differences didn’t feel beautiful to me, they felt threatening to my sense of self.
Anywhere else we see this happening right now? The unfortunate scenario which, greatly simplified, reveals a way in which we say NO to connection with those who we perceive as different, and YES to separation when we think that presents a threat to us.
This runs so. deep.
And to me, it feels like the sacred rub right now that leaves me with a question as we face the challenges presenting within ourselves as caring individuals, and within our divided society:
How can we honor, celebrate, and value the differences we notice between ourselves, and others in our lives?
The color of our skins
The amounts of money we make
The different gifts we share
The beautiful voices we have
The ways we’re inspired to create
The people we’re drawn to
The boundaries we set
The fires of passion that burn differently within us all
The histories that inform those fires…..
This work of strengthening our sense of self, and building true inner security (if you’re interested in doing that, check out Voices of Love!) that allows us to look at each person we see as someone we share sacred similarities with, and who we can also celebrate as special, unique, and different in ways that add to our beautiful array of humanity.
When I look back now on that relationship I mentioned, I see that it was probably the healthiest, strongest, and happiest one I’ve ever experienced. Though I didn’t see my partner’s maturity at the time (and if I did we might still be together), it shined through when he responded to my doubts by saying, “Actually, I love the ways you’re different from me. And I think our differences are what makes us really, really beautiful together.”
Your uniqueness is a beautiful contribution to the world, and all those who
see and love you for exactly who you are will notice!
What are your thoughts?
Let us know below in the comments.
And if you'd like to go a little deeper into your journey of releasing judgment and stepping into your unique beauty, I'd love to talk with you more and explore that together!
Email me @ firstname.lastname@example.org, I'd love to hear more about your experience.